Back Behind The Bar

Feb 18, 2010 Cool Stuff
Posted by admin

The Pub. A place long venerated in song and prose. For those of you that do not know me (and are actually not presumptuous enough to conclude this because of my last name) I’ve been in a few pubs. Both as a professional and a customer. From my time as a kid asking the bartender if I might play Space Invaders while my dad nursed an afternoon beer to my time asking a kid why her ID had a different name than her Facebook profile, it has almost always been an fascinating experience.

Tending bar or waiting tables or working the line can be said to be quite like being in military in that there are vast gulfs of boredom and monotony interspersed with moments of absolute insanity. You are also surrounded by social misfits and control freaks with anger-management issues. In the military this type of person is often called the Drill-Instructor, in the restaurant business they are usually referred to as Chef. There is also an element of danger working in a bar or even a high-end restaurant, particularly if those places are frequented by certain folks that have money, influence or bravado, combine these things with booze,drugs and sex (or the potential for sex) and things can get volatile.

Cooking is also dangerous, it’s like Bourdain says, “Food is Pain”. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have hurt myself or seen others hurt in the business from just stuff that happens in the kitchen. When you have intense heat (sometimes in a non-water soluble liquid suspension that likes to stick to things and is flammable), cramped quarters, unsure footing, sharp objects (both metallic and ceramic) and the pressure of expedience, eventually someone is bound to get hurt. Gods, the stuff I did to myself working a slicer in the deli business alone! You could also imagine what goes through your mind when you pick up a sizzle platter and realize you can’t put it down because it has become fused with the flesh on your fingertips or how ridiculous you might look after lighting the burner jet on a steam table after the underside has filled with gas. I assure you, Yosemite Sam would have been proud.

Benefits are almost unheard of in Mom & Pop stores, however there is certainly the upside. You usually eat and drink for free, often in restaurants at which you don’t work (we call this being in the “union”) and the money can be quite good. You work in an environment where people are willing to cover shifts and in which extra work is easily found. The people that are in the business are good time folk and the folk that come in are looking to have a good time.

In the restaurant business you will also make important contacts and learn valuable lessons. Like getting to know the person that will deliver a package 3:45 am or seeing that a Galliano bottle is an extremely effective close-quarters weapon. In this day, Galliano bottles are few and far between behind the bar, but those new Van Gogh flavored vodka bottles would do nicely. Although the business end of the Galliano is weighted and that Van Gogh stuff is really too delicious to waste in a melee.

And romance, you got that in spades, I tells you! If you’ve spent any real time in the biz you’ve had at least one trist in a public bathroom, and any man or woman that is a bartender worth their salt has bedded one object of their desire, quite often their future spouse, on the couch in the boss’ office. Like I said, no benefits but there are perks.