Stewie Speaks! The heart of BellMojo sounds off on his Halloween hits! Dig it, baby!

Oct 31, 2009 Cool Stuff
Posted by admin

Hello all, Stew Goldstein here. For all those that don’t know me, I am the silent partner in Bellmojo, and by silent, I mean I don’t talk very much. Well, Patrick Kennedy, who I’m sure you’re all very familiar with, had asked me to put together a Halloween horror movie column and so here it is.

I’ve decided to focus on three choice films from before 1970.
Ready?
Good, then let’s begin.

For the first choice I’ve decided to go with one of my favorite films of all time

There are three kinds of people in this world: you either favor the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges or Abbott & Costello. In my world your choice has a lot to say about you. I’m certain in your world this means absolutely nothing.

I’ve always been a huge fan of Abbott & Costello. Anyone that  grew up in the New York Metro area in the 1970s remembers every Sunday morning at 11:30, WPIX would air an Abbott & Costello film.It didn’t matter which one it was to me, as long as I got to see my A&C movie.

THE WISTFUL WIDOW OF WAGON GAP: You bet!
PARDON MY SARONG: I was there!

But the one I always wanted; was the one with the funniest moments; the one with the most daring escapes; the one with the monsters!

ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN
Dracula!
Frankenstein!
And the Wolf Man!!!

The holy trinity of monsters. Sure, say what you will about the Mummy, or the Gill-Man, or the Phantom of the Opera, but they’re all second-stringers when compared to these guys.

And the casting! C’mon Lugosi as Dracula! Lon Chaney Jr as Lawrence Talbot, the Wolf Man! Oh man, I really used to love the Wolf Man as a kid; I used to snarl my upper lip, growl and bound from the couch, all stalky-like after watching this movie. And, Glenn Strange as Frankenstein’s monster! While nowhere near as good as Karloff, Mr Strange, having played the monster before, was the next best choice.

And then, of course, there are the boys and they have never been better! In this one, they play a pair of bumbling baggage handlers — I know what you’re thinking, they’re really showing their range as actors here, but let me ask you something, if they played buttoned-down physicists, would you be laughing?

Well, to make a long story short, the boys are supposed to deliver crates containing the Frankenstein Monster and Dracula’s coffin to MacDougal’s House of Horrors and, of course, the monsters rise and escape! With the intention of furthering Dracula’s nefarious plan of providing Frankenstein with a new brain, Costello’s.

From there we have some of the greatest gags the boys have ever done or re-done as may be the case, especially the bit with the moving candle. But who cares? It’s still funny.

The main reason this film is considered one of the best comedy-horror films ever made is due to the fact that monsters play it straight; they’re not used for comedic effect, that’s what Abbott & Costello are for.

In my opinion every moment of this film is a gem, from the animated opening credits to the final surprise guest.

So, if you’ve never seen it do yourself, a favor and rent it and if you have seen it, see it again — you won’t be disappointed.

As I’m sitting here writing this I’m feeling a bit under the weather. Sick, fever, chills, hallucinating the Dalai Lama and the Pope each want me for their rugby teams ( I can only play for one, which will it be, which will it be?) and it had gotten me thinking about another film, or rather a particular segment of another film that will also give you the chills.

BLACK SABBATH

What we have here is a 3 part horror film by the late great Italian horror director  Mario Bava. I’m gonna tell you right now, you don’t have to watch the whole thing.

Skip the segment THE TELEPHONE — it’s basically just a standard crime piece with no real great payoff.

You should watch THE WURDULAK  if only for the presence of Boris Karloff as the title character. The Wurdulak is a vampire that feeds only on those that they love — so family members beware! Apart from Karloff’s great performance as the eponymous monster the main things to look for in this piece are the same things you want to pay attention to in most of Bava’s later films and that is the fantastical color schemes and the eerie sets. Nobody filmed like Bava (on a side note — check out the Japanese film KWAIDAN for another great example of remarkable use of color in film, and, of course, Argento’s SUSPIRIA & INFERNO but we’ll get to those another time)

The real reason to watch BLACK SABBATH is for the one short segment called THE DROP OF WATER. Without a doubt one of the most chilling horror films ever made. To break the story down, a nurse steals a dead medium’s ring but the medium is not going to go quietly unto her grave without it.. This is one of the few films that scared the living heck out of me as a child and still makes me shudder every time I think about it. You might want to consider leaving the lights on when watching this.

Word of warning about the DVD — it is from the original Italian version which means  that, crime of crimes, Boris Karloff is actually dubbed into Italian — which was very disappointing not being able to hear the legend’s iconic voice.

Watch THE DROP OF WATER anyway!

This next film has always been a favorite of mine ever since I first saw it one Saturday afternoon on channel 5…

THE FLESH EATERS
This film has it all! A tough-as-nails takes-no-guff charter pilot, a drunken washed-up actress, a sexy young love interest, a German scientist with a shadowy past (played perfectly by Martin Kosleck , if you close your eyes while the movie is on you could swear you could smell the alcohol on his breath), deadly microbes in the water (the title creatures) that will pick your bones clean until you sound like a wind chime, and even a beatnik named Omar! Can you dig it, daddy-o?

There’s much more, but to tell would be giving away the great surprises this movie has in store for the uninitiated. It’s a treat of pure pulpy horror that never fails to impress with each viewing.

An interesting side note to this film, the editor was Radley Metzger who later moved on to direct some of the more memorable porn films of the 70’s such as THE LICKERISH QUARTET, CAMILLE 2000, and THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN.

With a pedigree like that behind this film how, can you not want to watch it now?

And remember, “The only people who will not be sterilized with fear are those among you who are already DEAD!”

Well that draws this article to a close but I would like to leave you with some other choices for consideration:

FRANKENSTEIN

THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

DRACULA (1931) — not as good as the Frankenstein films, it plays more like a filmed stage play but it does have Lugosi.

THE WOLF MAN

THE MUMMY — both the Universal and Hammer versions.

THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON — one of the coolest looking monsters ever.

KWAIDAN — Japanese ghost stories of extreme beauty.

THEM — Giant ants, what more could you want?

PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES — more creepiness from Mario Bava.

CURSE OF THE DEMON — Dana Andrews haunted/hunted by what may or may not be a real demon. Fantastic direction by Jacques Tourneur that will keep you guessing until the end.

HORROR OF DRACULA — Christopher Lee playing the count for the first time! Peter Cushing as Van Helsing! Classic Hammer.

CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN — Still Lee and Cushing, still great.

THE BLOB — fun, fun, fun.

THE HAUNTING — forget the crappy remake and go back to Robert Wise’s original.

FREAKS — take a step into the world of the crazy Tod Browning for this lurid tale.

THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS — despite what you may think of the man, Roman Polanski has made one heck of an entertaining vampire film that will leave you laughing.

HOUSE OF WAX — Vincent Price, do you need more?

FRANKENSTEIN’S BLOODY TERROR — insane Paul Naschy horror vehicle with werewolves & vampires. Strangely though, no Frankenstein.

SPIDER BABY — horror, comedy, whatever you want to call it but worth a look. And Lon Chaney Jr sings the theme song!

BLACK SUNDAY — another Mario Bava classic starring the eerily beautiful Barbara Steele.

TARANTULA — more giant insect mayhem. Look for a young Clint Eastwood at the end as a fighter pilot.

THE LAST MAN ON EARTH — not a great film but the closest adaptation to Richard Matheson’s classic I AM LEGEND that we’re likely to get. Oh, and Vincent Price is in this, too!

PSYCHO & THE BIRDS — Two horror classics by a master at the peak of his powers.

THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD — The original shocker; the granddaddy of modern horror. See it again, its still great.

Tags: Abbot & Costello, Halloween, horror, Mario Bava, Paul Naschy, Stewart Goldstein